FEELS JUST LIKE YESTERDAY

I don’t know what to say. Do you ever get used to goodbyes? What about horrible news? Once again I wonder why they don’t teach you to handle things like these in school. What are you supposed to do, who are you supposed to ask, and how are you supposed to survive when a chapter is ending? I mean frankly, I know you survive. I know time heals the scars. I KNOW it should be easier by now. But time leaves wounds, and it doesn’t really feel like I’m getting used to everything. It isn’t easy to start a new chapter, and surviving certainly doesn’t equal living. As well as floating isn’t swimming, expressions like “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened” doesn’t wipe away any tears. It’s possibly to cry while you’re laughing. I know, because Venla did that a lot.

In the beginning of a new chapter, you usually re-read the last one. So that you don’t forget any important details that might have an impact on what happens further in the book. I’m looking through my pictures, and among those smiling faces I found some truly great people. But Time is a bitch, and so is Place. It just tends to be that way, you’re all stuck in the same boat and the others are so important that you forget the rest of the world. And while back in reality, a sudden realization appears and you stand there wondering what was so special about that certain bunch.

The only thing that actually happens when you’ve said so many goodbyes that you’re heart thinks it’s the usual, is that you really can’t see another future than that. You don’t see anyone actually staying by your side forever, not even in your wildest fantasies. Every chapter is a whole other story. Just this one character who says hello, has the time of it’s life and then say goodbye with a little more experience on leaving it all behind. So all you can do is hope, hope that a little glimpse of magic from somewhere gives someone else the same kind of hope and maybe, maybe will you fight just enough to remember calling every once in a while. At least that’s what I’m doing now, cause I’m so not in the mood for another definitive goodbye.

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