And I will try to fix you

Guys. Something amazing just happened. I smiled because I felt so incredibly happy.

It’s past midnight. It’s the officially the second day of the new year 2016. It is also (officially) the second day that I am a Helsinki citizen.

The past year has been totally crazy and upside down in so many ways, and I’ll spill you all the details in a year-review tomorrow I think. But I just wanted to say I’m sorry for my blog-death this autumn. My life is as amazing as it possibly gets, ever. Sadly, having an amazing life with protection, love, support, privileges etc doesn’t completely remove the risks of feeling lonely, sad, and at times even depressed. I’ve had an overall wonderful year with many beautiful moments, but there has also been more tears shed than in quite a while.

Even with a striving career and amazing friends and family around me, I’m dealing with momental self doubt since a few years back. I deal with trust issues, obsessing with making everything work out perfectly and really, really dark moments that hit at the most surprising times. It’s getting better, I love myself and my life and although it’s a struggle to make it all work, I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

But this autumn has been quite a roller-coaster and I haven’t been able to focus on the blogging or going through pictures or anything like that. Instead, I’ve tried my hardest to spend real full-on quality time with my loved ones when they’ve needed that, and worked my ass off in between to make certain other things work out.

 

The reason I’m writing all of this is because I wanted to share this moment with you. I’m in my bed, in my cozy pants and a warm sweater and woolen socks, I’ve lit some candles and the kitchen light is on. my speakers on the table are playing my Top 100 of 2015 on repeat. I’m about to spend the first night ever alone in my new, very own home. And I wanted to share this moment of sudden peace and happiness with you all, perhaps to inspire someone to continue just one more day with whatever you’re doing, cause no matter how much it hurts, tomorrow might bring a moment of “it’s okay now” to you too.

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